Lost Love!

I am in love! Oh my God, I have been in love since I gained gyaan-knowledge! I have been very  sincere but, Love eludes me. It is always like holding up the kite, no matter how hard I pull it down, never comes near. Happy to entice from far!  Sometimes,  I feel cheated and even feel its an illusion?  Or do I like Love to be that way- elusive. I don’t know.

If I get my Love I would be Happy there after. There are many a moments when Love came so near, but  takes a different form and flies away. And again a frantic search begins. I am losing hope .  Only time I am near to my Love is in the dreams – Day dreams! She rides with me on my bicycle, the old hero bicycle, hugging me. I am just pedaling without exhaustion. Cities pass by but I am not exhausted. All the dreams go crashing the moment I stop pedaling! Goddamn! would have waited for a moment, was going to be kissed. uhhh!

My Love, these days, is playing with my mind, as never before. My Love is good at writing poems, but wrote nothing about me. So mean!
Earlier, she used to travel with me in the bus sharing the same dream of driving in a car. She had the same wish to be in the company of friends! And friends were the only solace I had from the longing for love.  Life was simple then, with She being always in sight and life passed with a hope to see her and  a hope that she will develop a liking for me!

In college, she reminded me of the uncertain future ahead! “Where will you go for higher studies, how will you buy your dream car? How will  you be able to woo girls with nothing in hand?” She said that!
There were moments when I was joyful and that’s when everything around me grew big enough to make me happy!  But those moments became very less and hardly come these days. These days My Love travels in imported cars, in the lonely roads of  the foreign country, makes movies and stays with the stars.  Love is taking all the forms of  comforts I never had and dreamed of. Love is going with the likes of  successful people, my colleagues, people with friends,  which I could not bear. ‘I am different’, told myself but to no use. Only time I liked her was when she was involved in social work. She  started to haunt me and remind me what I wanted and what I don’t have.

Go away! I shout but Love comes with more force.  I felt cheated and failed and the mere sight of her made me angry!  Everything could make me angry so easily when I have decided that I could never achieve my Love and I am a failure!

One day,  I was lying dejected and she comes to me. I try to shove her away. She holds my face in her arms and says, “YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ME EVERYWHERE – IN LOVER, IN MONEY, CARS, COMFORTS, JOB, POSITION…  BUT NEVER CARED TO LOOK INSIDE YOU!” I am confused, what are you saying?   That’s when I stopped and took stock! The moments I was happy were when in the company of like minded friends, little kids, in laughter and family. I was happy in the brief moments  I was involved in  work without worrying about what’s going to happen.

I found my Lost Love, my Happiness at last! At least I like that feeling to have found it, just for now!



Love or Hate, its Valentine’s Day

I don’t know whether you heard “I love you” from your Girl/Boy Friend yesterday, you hear the threats from so-called Indian Culture guardians – ” See a girl and boy together on Valentine’s Day, we marry them off “ .
One fellow asks ” Hey bhai saab, do you send to honey moon also. Hamareko Goa chalega.”
He stands on the side of the road, with his girl friend, so that some Bhajrang Dalwale or Shiv Sainik, Ram Sainik comes and marries them off.   Whole day passes and still there is no sign of any soldier,  he is now afraid of looking into the eyes of his girl friend who was until then beautiful. Now in anger she is more beautiful.
” Hey Paro dont look at like that yaar, I am feeling shy”
He could not  bear any more beauty of the one beside him, he calls his friend in Bajrang Dal.
” Arey Kalyan, Tu kute, Where are you? We are standing on Chattrapati Road, beside Shivaji Statue.”
” We passed by that road,  we did not see you. In which dress are you”
” We are dressed in white”
” You both are dressed in marriage clothes? we saw you man,  thought you are already married. you are such an idiot!”

Those soldiers say Showing love to your loved ones on Valentine’s Day is wrong. Its not our culture.
You can rape women in Goa on any day, but not on Valentine’s Day. Its not our culture.
You can drink and drive, kill people, but not on Valentine’s  Day. Its not our culture.
You can kills girl child before they are born on any day, but not on Valentine’s  Day. Its not our culture.

Anyways belated Valentine’s Day wishes, and my love.

Fair in War With Love – Valentine’s Day

Everything’s fair in LOVE and WAR… Everything’s fair in WAR with LOVE!

Every year on Feb 14th we ready ourselves  for a war between Lovers and those against celebrating it.

On one side the Hindutva brigade prepares itself against the celebration of Valentine’s Day.
On other side lovers want to express their love for their lovers.
This is the war against love in the modern times.

This day may not be any different for the married people as this is just
another normal day, except going out for a dinner, lunch or out on a holiday..

The troubled ones are  the teenagers and the bachelors who take the realm of parks,
bakeries and other public spaces for the private intimacy with their lovers.
The hindutva brigade ready to physically handle people and the media ready to cover without any shy.

So guys forget this one day to avoid any accidental break in your adventure
(love is an adventure  on Feb 14) and the rest 364 days are yours.. and Feb 15 is a Sunday….


Whats the better time to talk about love than the Valentine’s day.

I had always had so many doubts about the definition and meaning  of love..

Is love  a Euphony for the body’s desire for sex?
Does love increase or decrease with making it?
Is it called love if it is expressed

Wikipedia says
is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.
the word Love can be used to describe a wealth of feelings

  1. Passionate desire
  2. Romantic intimacy
  3. Non-sexual emotional closeness of family or Platonic love.
  4. Religious devotion.

So love is a combination of different feelings which makes it difficult to comprehend
and does not have a consistent definition.


Any feeling expressed are the response of  what you identify with.

A boy’s expression of love to a girl is the response of he identifying with a male.
A man’s love for family is the stimulus of one identifying with one being a social animal.
A mother’s love ( the purest of all) is .the response of identifying with her offsprings.
Religious Fanaticism is the zeal springing out of you identifying with your faith or religion.
Making love is the response of the body’s desire.
Devotion is the feeling of identifying oneself with God.


We all in one form or the other identify with some divine force  behind our existence
and we have diverse ways of defining  the perceiving  that divine force.

What if God is one of us (What if everyone is God).
If we identify God in our fellow human beings and other life forms then may be we can make Earth a better place to live….